I’m back from two GLORIOUS weeks in Maui! And boy am I happy to be back. It’s strange. It was the most indescribably beautiful place with so many wonderful things to do and see, and yet I just never felt like I “fit” there. Conversely, when we were in Ireland, it felt so much like home–like I could stay there forever. I practically cried the day we had to leave. Hawaii was amazing, phenomenal, incredible… but I don’t think I’m meant for equatorial sun or the constant heat. Have you seen that recent Conan O’Brien video for his new stint on The Late Show? You know, the one where he’s running across the beach in L.A. and his voiceover says something about being a vampire, his pale Irish skin shining in the Californian sun? Well that was me.

Anyway, I plan on posting some pics when I get a chance (we have something like 98302382051 of them), but for now I’ll just get some random thoughts out of the way.

• It never rains. I know everyone told us it would rain, probably every day at least briefly. But it didn’t. I started wondering on about day 5 what was up, so I asked. Turns out that almost all of Maui is in a “rain shadow” created by the two volcanic mountain regions on the island. Meaning that only the very far northeastern shore gets much rain. Everywhere else was tropical, lush, and green, but sans the rain. Even when we visited the rain forests in the northeast, we still didn’t see so much as a sprinkle.
• I did not pack enough clothing. The sweltering (to me) heat meant that I sweat nonstop. All I wanted was a clean t-shirt, but by about day 7, that was impossible. For once, I packed too light! The unnecessary stuff? A raincoat, flippers (we rented ones that were way more comfortable for cheap), and magazines to read on the beach.
• “Native” Hawaiians do not like tourists. This really angered me. Even though I feel murderous rage get fairly annoyed with tourists when they clog our streets for all the summer festivals, I’m not mean to their faces. And our economy does not depend upon them. Their constant dirty looks really pissed me off, especially considering tourism is Hawaii’s #1 industry by far. John and I aren’t your stereotypical slow, fat, clueless tourists wearing fanny packs and orthopedic shoes. We drive the speed limit or higher, we blend in with our clothes, and we don’t stand around with our mouths hanging open. And yet that was enough to enrage people. At one point on a one lane road, a local almost drove us into the ditch (we were already going above the speed limit) and then flipped us off as he passed. Five minutes later we passed him–as he was setting up his roadside stand of trinkets for tourists to buy. Really?!
• Seafood really is better when you’re surrounded by the ocean. Not cheaper, but better.  The shrimp! The mahi mahi! Mmmmm!
• Seeing wildlife is just indescribable sometimes. We saw humpback whales, green sea turtles, dolphins, birds, fish, etc. etc. Especially the whales–they just took my breath away. I almost cried!
• Ford Mustangs are absolute crap. We rented one so we could have a convertible. It was a blast and totally worth it, but man alive. What a piece of junk. It took driving it for 2 weeks to make me remember how much I love our car! It made me see why so many people opt for foreign cars over “the big three.” However, I think I might just be addicted to convertibles now. Perhaps a Sebring, Solara, or Mini is on my horizon?
• Hawaii is expensive. We were able to save a lot of money by making an initial stop at the grocery store for food and booze. But there is no escaping the $7.50 12 packs of soda. We ate out at sit-down restaurants 4 times, and we were never able to get so much as burgers and water for under $50. It was worth it, though.
• Sunscreen. Sunscreen sunscreen sunscreen! We went through two large bottles. John is as tan as can be, but you’d never know I left Wisconsin except for the increase of freckles on my face. And the very first day, I neglected to apply it to my shins. The result? Probably the worst sunburn I’ve ever had (and that’s saying a lot). It’s still healing now, 2 weeks later, but peeling all the skin off is a sickeningly fun diversion.
• I can’t believe how many people take their little, little kids on vacation all the way to Hawaii. I’m sure I’ll get flamed for saying so, but why on earth would you subject your little (under 2) kids to a 12 hours plane ride? And the babies! OMG the pale, pale babies sweating in the constant sun, and then screaming on the plane while every other passenger cringed and tried to sleep. It just seemed selfish to me. Flame away.
• I also can’t believe how many pregnant ladies I saw. EVERYWHERE. Non-stop. It was like the opposite of The Island on Lost. And speaking of, I saw so many VW vans just like the Dharma Initiative one. Awesome!
• Open water still scares the bejesus out of me, even if it is crystal clear and filled with gorgeous reef fish. And yes, I wore a lame flotation belt, and yes, I probably looked like a ‘tard clinging to a banana. But I didn’t drown, so w00t! w00t!
• I LOVE tide pools. I could seriously stare into them for days and not get bored. Poking sea cucumbers and starfish just doesn’t get old!
• I read the whole Twilight series in about 2 days and I am so hooked! I might read it again. And by “might,” I think we all know what I mean. I’m a Twi-hard, baby!

There is so much more to say, but nothing that exciting. I’ll try to upload pics soon for all you countless readers. I’m sure you’re all breathless with anticipation. And after all that, I’m still glad to be back in the land of beer and cheese!

I hear this phrase all.the.time. Non-stop. From all sorts of people–lawyers and non-lawyers alike. Sometimes it’s said with a positive tone, and other times the negative connotations are impossible to escape. But I still don’t know what it means! Every time I hear it, I want to scream (in a very respectful manner): WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY THAT?!

So, any insight out there? What on earth does this mean? I kind of hate the phrase because I disagree with it. I’ve got two years of this whole “law school thing” down, and I’ve met every kind of person under the sun. Students, teachers, lawyers, judges… they’re all SO different. I can’t find a single common theme at all. Some are incredible people, and others are disgusting people. Some are brilliant, and others are probably certifiable. Maybe it “takes a certain kind of person” to work in public interest law. That I would believe. You have to have the patience of a saint and be accepting of a piss poor salary. Maybe it “takes a certain kind of person” to be a prosecutor. You’ll have to be tough as nails and you’ll have to be able to stomach some really horrible cases and people. Sure, it “takes a certain kind of person” to work in intellectual property law. You have to have a brain the size of Kansas.

But beyond that, I don’t get it. Have you out there in the interwebs ever uttered this phrase? What did you mean by it?

No, law school didn’t kill me. And no, I didn’t kill myself. And no, even swine flu didn’t kill me (yet)! I’m here, alive and kicking, but I tend to have very little time to bloooooog and so this puppy has fallen by the wayside. But that’s not to say that exciting things haven’t been going down in my universe. I’ll briefly recap for y’all, since I know you’ve been waiting for the past month with baited breath.

• WE’RE GOING TO HAWAII!! Yes folks, that’s right. In exactly 1 week from today, I will be on a plane to Maui to spend two glorious weeks unwinding in the sun and surf. That also means that I will get sunburned to the point of skin cancer and I will either drown (can’t swim) or be eaten by a shark. But I digress… HAWAII! If you would like to know how this was made possible on a single-salary income, I give mad crazy props to my awesome accountant and even awesomer friend, Jamie. She did our taxes this year and got us one helluva return. So instead of doing something responsible with it, we decided to stimulate the economy in our own, adventurous way!

• My second year of law school is almost.done.so.close.I.can.taste.it! It’s actually been a great semester. I learned a ton and for the most part, I loved my classes. My crazy internship at Paternity Court is now over, and I already miss all the neck and knuckle tattoos. But most of all, I miss the amazing ladies (ahem, attorneys) that I worked with.  They were all great examples of what women lawyers should strive to be. I also LOVED every second of my Negotiation Workshop. Although I may never be the world’s best used-car-buyer, I learned so much about myself. And… spoiler alert! I might just get to be their TA next semester! w00t woot!

• More law school news: there is so much it had to be split into two dots! I applied for and was awarded a judicial internship next semester in the Family Court! YAY! And even better, I was placed with the CHIEF JUDGE. OOoooh….. Aaaaaahh! He’s an amazing guy–I’ve seen him in action thanks to this semester’s internship. I’m really stoked to work with him. He treats clients like actual human beings, and he’s never afraid to be creative or show that he cares. This is so rare to find in ANY judge, so I think it will be a phenomenal experience.

• Dramz! We were going to move. We pay a shitton to live here, even though I love it and the location’s proximity to school, work, and the courthouse can’t be beat. We started the application process elsewhere, but at the last minute we decided to stay here. Yes, it means we’re still paying too much. But now I can relish the fact that I can spend another 12 months chitchatting with the bums and drugdealers while they pee in the library book drop.

• SWINE FLU!! AAAH! I’m sure you can probably imagine, but this hypochondriac is in terror level red. It doesn’t help that my microbiologist father is inundating me with a barrage of constantly terrifying information about death, martial law, masks, travel restrictions (hello, Hawaii?!), and governmental news conferences. I’ve actually gotten to the point where I don’t care if I get swine flu, as long as I make it to Hawaii. While I don’t really think they’ll restrict travel (especially within the US), I would be much happier suffering from pig flu if I was suffering on a beach in Maui while trying to drink a pina colada.

• And etcetera: the pups are cuter than ever and will be spending our vacation with their other favorite people in the whole world: my parents, AKA their grandparents. I still have my same job, and I’m still wishing I could do more family law work. But in this economy, that’s still unlikely. It is currently finals week for me and I am writing and studying up a storm. My social life has also been sorely lacking thanks to this whole “school thing,” so I plan to attack that shit full on when we get back from Maui.

And now you’re up to date with my boring existence. Don’t you feel better?

I have officially had it. To make it easier to understand why, I shall utilize bullet points.

• I only work at the firm on THURSDAYS right now. I have told everyone in the damn firm 98309283 times. However, I still constantly get emails on Mondays, Fridays, Wednesdays, you name it. “Are you in? Can you stop by my office??” NO I AM NOT IN. I AM EITHER IN CLASS, AT MY INTERNSHIP, OR ROCKING BACK AND FORTH IN THE FETAL POSITION IN THE BATHTUB. But, because I am a pushover, I always email back and kindly explain that I am ONLY IN ON THURSDAYS. As stated 98309283 previously.
• After getting several frantic emails today (today being a TUESDAY, BTW), one is from the head bossman (I call him that because technically he hired me, and since I don’t really have a boss per se). It says, “Where is that insurance opinion memo–the clients are waiting for it.”  Oh, you mean the one I wrote TWO WEEKS AGO?? The one you acknowledged your receipt of via email? THAT MEMO??
• His email is followed by a frantic email from his secretary: “Where is that memo??”  I have to email back that I AM NOT IN THE OFFICE TODAY (it being a TUESDAY) and that it was sent TWO WEEKS AGO. I re-forwarded it and told them that if they are speaking of some other memo (since in my mind, that would make more sense than losing one I already sent to you and which is surely sitting both on your desk in print form and in your inbox in e-form), please let me know.
• I then get ANOTHER frantic email, dated yesterday. It says, “I need you to check out some books for me and I will be at the law school library today at 2 to pick them up from the desk.” IT IS SPRING FUCKING BREAK, LADY!! I DO NOT LIVE IN THE LIBRARY! Although that might save me a considerable amount of rent, I am not ALWAYS there. So no, I didn’t get you the books yesterday.
• I email her back… what might you need, attorney So-and-So? I am at my internship today, but perhaps I could swing by on my lunchbreak and pick them up for you? What’s that? You need an entire 10 volume, 10,000 page multi-volume treatise on legal malpractice? One that is not available for checkout because IT IS A MULTI VOLUME TREATISE?! And what’s that you say? You want me to therefore PHOTOCOPY IT FOR YOU?! Lady. Ma’am. You must be somewhat intelligent. You are a seasoned lawyer. How long do you think it would take me to photocopy 10,000 pages? You do know that you pay me $15/hour, right? So in 2 years from now, when I am finally done, I will be owed backpay of something like $60,000 just for making photocopies?
• Stick with me here, folks. So brilliant me. I look up all the legal malpractice treatises on Westlaw using my student account. I copy all the tables of contents for her. I email them to her and ask, “Which specifically would you like? I can download them and email them directly to you.”  She emails me back 23 chapters she wants. I begin downloading each, a huge pain in the ass, since each is OVER 200 PAGES LONG. I then begin emailing them to her, chapter by chapter.
• She responds: “Please open the files and print.”  MY HEAD EXPLODES. WHAT PART OF “I AM ONLY HERE ON THURSDAYS” DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND?! Not to mention, do you REALLY want to go through 4 reams of paper for this!? REALLY?!!?!?!?

So here I am. Two fucking days into my SPRING BREAK, sitting on my couch downloading fucking legal malpractice treatises by the bookload. What am I not doing? Well, I am not at my internship, WHICH I NEED TO BE AT IN ORDER TO GET THE CREDITS I NEED TO GRADUATE. I am also not in fucking bed taking a nap, where I needed to be like, yesterday.

My apologies for all the caps locking. But I have slowly lost the ability to communicate in any other way.

*exhale*

AAaaahh… although things are still super busy and stressful right now, it is all becoming more tolerable. Maybe I’m just getting used to it? Maybe it’s the knowledge that spring break it right around the corner? Well, that can’t be it, considering my break will be filled with internship and work duties. I won’t have so much as ONE free day (well, besides the weekend).

And of course, the thought that 12 months ago we were eagerly looking forward to a dream trip to Ireland… *sigh* I wish I could go back this very second. There is so much more I want to see and do there. But NO! I will not get down or distracted. Look at the bright side: I have a week-long break from my professors assigning more material. And maybe if I’m lucky, I can squeeze in some time laying on the floor in the sunlight “tanning.” Eh? Eh? EH?

Anyway, I think my tenuous grip on reality is strengthening. And I think I’ll actually spend my free time during spring break starting a support group for potential law students. It will be called “Douchebags and Diazepam: Navigating your way through the worst 3 years of your life.”

Ok, not the most exciting post, but it’s helpful for me. There’s nothing quite so satisfying as checking things off a list. Hell, sometimes I think I should make lists of routine, daily activities just so I can check stuff off to feel productive. Put in contacts? CHECK! Brushed hair? Sort of check… Put on clean clothing? Er… uh… no check.

• 100 pages of casebook reading next week for Education law. CHECK! AWWW YEA BOOOIIII!
• 250 pages of reading next week for Child Maltreatment. Also CHECK!
• Begin research on Child Maltreatment paper topic (rough draft is due within 3 weeks): childhood obesity I’ve pulled several articles, but I haven’t read any so far. But it’s a start, so I’m giving it a check!
• 4 chapters and 2 journal entries for Family Law & ADR next week. I don’t even know how many pages that is, and I don’t want to know. This has fallen by the wayside. The reading is pretty pointless and the prof practically reads from the text during lecture. So I won’t give myself a check yet, but I don’t feel too bad about it.
• Complete Advanced Legal Research assignment on legislative history research by 6pm this Saturday. (This assignment is the one that most makes me want to slit my wrists.) DONE! CHECK!!
• Prepare group presentation for Negotiation Workshop in one week. Sort of kind of done. I think I’m just going to toss some bullet points up on the blackboard and call it a day. Oh, and maybe show this video to the class (since my topic is “Listening”). So… quasi-check!
• Read 4 chapters for said workshop (again, I don’t even want to know how many pages that is). Not yet… but there’s always tomorrow.
• Write 10 page negotiation prep plan for mock divorce negotiation in said workshop. Hmmm… Haven’t started this yet either. But again, I’ve always got tomorrow! Chin up?
• Begin online e-mail negotiation with UC-Berkeley Law School student for said workshop. It has begun. That bitch is playing hardball, too. But I SHALL prevail.
• Prepare role-reversal project for presentation for said workshop, also due in one week. I haven’t even read the instructions. I’ll get to it…

So I guess overall, I’m still making progress. I have a 3 hour study break between classes tomorrow in which I plan to be sickeningly productive. We’ll see how that goes…. just gotta stay positive. Law school won’t kill me, right?

]]> http://ithinkimdying.wordpress.com/2009/02/25/check-list/feed/ 2 ithinkimdying http://ithinkimdying.wordpress.com/2009/02/20/lets-see-here-now/ http://ithinkimdying.wordpress.com/2009/02/20/lets-see-here-now/#comments Fri, 20 Feb 2009 18:53:07 +0000 ithinkimdying http://ithinkimdying.wordpress.com/?p=922 ]]>

I think I’m heading toward a mental breakdown here. The legal skies have opened and a downpour of homework is threatening to send me straight to the looney bin. What’s worse, I just can’t get myself to do any of it. Procrastination has taken hold and I can’t even bring myself to list what I need to get done, let alone get a start on it. Two weeks ago, I was skating along just fine, keeping up and even staying ahead. Now suddenly I’m under the gun to meet due dates and the stress is building.  Maybe just writing it out will help… like getting it off my chest?

• 100 pages of casebook reading next week for Education law.
• 250 pages of reading next week for Child Maltreatment.
• Begin research on Child Maltreatment paper topic (rough draft is due within 3 weeks): childhood obesity
• 4 chapters and 2 journal entries for Family Law & ADR next week. I don’t even know how many pages that is, and I don’t want to know.
• Complete Advanced Legal Research assignment on legislative history research by 6pm this Saturday. (This assignment is the one that most makes me want to slit my wrists.)
• Prepare group presentation for Negotiation Workshop in one week.
• Read 4 chapters for said workshop (again, I don’t even want to know how many pages that is).
• Write 10 page negotiation prep plan for mock divorce negotiation in said workshop.
• Begin online e-mail negotiation with UC-Berkeley Law School student for said workshop.
• Prepare role-reversal project for presentation for said workshop, also due in one week.

Hmmm… nope. That didn’t seem to release any of the pressure or stress. In fact, it only made it worse. Especially because I neglected to add in there the 8 hour day at the courthouse for my internship and the 4 hours at my job at the firm. If I survive next week, I may just throw myself a party.

This seems to be the overriding message that everyone even remotely involved with the process is shouting from their lungs. I don’t know whether to take them at face value and run for my life, or rationalize their warnings away to my possible detriment. If I go into Family Law, will I become a haggard, angry shell of a human within 6 months as they all seem to suggest?

I know that plenty of people joke around about their career choice, especially in front of the young and uninitiated. Oh, here’s Suzie our new PT intern. “Ha, ha, ha Suzie… run for your life!” Or say hi to Joe our new Marketing intern. “Get out now while you still can! HA!” It’s usually pretty obvious that these kinds of you-don’t-know-what-you’re-getting-yourself-into warnings are only half-hearted and half-true. But there is so much more urgency to it when an attorney in a nice suit approaches you and says it in a serious tone, and then you notice his dead eyes, frazzled hair, 10-year old loafers, and 100 cases a year.

I don’t doubt that Family Law can be trying. Maybe the resistance I’m getting is due to the environment? These attorneys are working in public service, making next to nothing while trying to decide who is the better parent for a stunted and abused four year old: a mom with serious psychiatric problems who deadbolts her daughter in her room, or a father who just got out of prison on a 6 year sentence for child abuse. And yet… I seemed to pick up the same feelings from the attorney who practices divorce law in the suburbs and who probably makes over $200,000 a year.

I even had to defend my choice of Family Law today to one of the county’s Family Law judges, who herself seems to hate the subject altogether. What am I getting myself into? Am I making a huge mistake? Or am I just talking to all the wrong people?

Broken. Ug. Only three weeks down. Which means, what? Like 8 billion left to go this semester? I just got back from the most ridiculous class ever–Advanced Legal Research. It’s only 1 credit but required for graduation. Yet the workload is commensurate with something like 22 credits. We run all over the damn library looking up obscure references in ancient tomes that mean nothing in this age of technology. You know, just to prove it’s still possible. Some asshat saw me looking up something for my assignment and quipped, “Ever hear of the internet?” Yes, Douchey Mc Douchersons. I have. And once I am done with this 50lb. book of jury instructions, I plan on chucking it at your head to show you how useful books can really be.

To make my day truly complete, I got home tired, depleted, deflated. I almost melted onto the couch. I opened up my backpack, only to realize that my sacred binder was GONE. Absent. My binder that holds the meaning of life, along with all of my handouts, syllabi, notes, etc. Luckily, I was able to email one of my friends who was still slaving away at the library and she found it for me. But that binder became the quintessential straw for me. I feel like I could curl up in a ball and sleep until May. Easily. I hate this so hard.

A small bright spot is my internship. I basically just sit and watch paternity hearings and visitation arguments. But since the organization I intern for is a non-profit, I observe low income families instead of richie riches arguing over who should buy Sally a pony and who gets the BMW. Already, in one day, I have heard more crazy stories than I thought imaginable in a lifetime. Fathers that blow up their kids. Men that flee to the US and tell their kids that their mom is dead, then leave it to the attorney to break the news that mom’s actually alive. Husbands and wives who have threesomes, then split up so the dad can be with the threesome-woman, then the woman becomes a prostitute, then the husband leaves the prostitute-threesome-woman to go back to the wife, but he’s now jacked up on heroin and can’t find an acceptable methadone clinic, so the wife won’t take him back. You know, that kind of thing. Interesting. And a nice reminder that my life isn’t really all that bad. Yeah, law school sucks. But at least no one is tossing acid on me or whoring me out for food stamps.

And now on Tuesdays and Thursdays, John and I are taking spinning classes. Because nothing caps off an unbearable day like sweating my ass off in front of a group of 20 year old, size 2 girls whose only problems in life seem to be what frat boy to fuck next. Ug. I need a vacation.

I suppose I should really blog more. And I should blog about what I know best: law school. There are probably so many people out there who are thinking about attending law school, remembering their experience in law school, currently suffering the torture that is law school… perhaps people who even lost a dear friend or family member to the beast of law school. So I think I’m going to try to blooooog more, and I am going to try to focus my efforts a bit. So, LAW SCHOOL.

As for this semester, I’m heading into week three and trying to catch my breath already. The old adage rings true thus far; “The first year, they scare you to death, the second year they work you to death, and the third year they bore you to death.” Being at the halfway point, it seems like I have so much to look forward to. (eye roll) The “work you to death” part is probably not the case for everyone. But I’m definitely dealing with it. Besides class, I’m also doing a for-credit internship at a non-profit in which I have to somehow log 120 hours by April. This is made all the more difficult because the intern director took 4 weeks to get back to me about when I could start. Add to the internship the demands of my clerk job, and you have a recipe for, at the very least, hair loss and weight gain.

The internship promises to be a wealth of entertainment, though. At least I think so at this point, having not spent a single hour working yet. I get to go to PATERNITY COURT! Baby mamas and daddies. Teenage angst, drama, heartache. Why hasn’t a Hollywood exec seen the potential in this scenario before?! Perhaps I should be less cavalier with my word choices, though. A Wisconsin judge recently had his sentencing decision reversed for his indelicate use of the term “baby mama.” All joking aside, I’m sure this is the kind of education I could never receive inside the storied walls of the law school. Even though it promises to be a time suck, I’m sure I’ll enjoy it. I can’t even begin to express how excited I am to deal with something other than insurance terms and contract language.

Besides that tidbit, my grades from last semester were nothing less than mediocre. Which is what I expected, given the perfect storm that was my class schedule. But whatever– at least there were no Cs. And for a little pat on the back, I did manage a full-fledged A in “Law and Religion.” I wrote a paper on Irish Catholicism and homosexuality, and how the Irish courts borrow from American Establishment Clause jurisprudence. One brilliant friend suggested I title it, “That’s So Gay: The Resistance of Church and State to Same Sex Marriage.” Other suggestions included: “My Priest Sets Off My Gaydar: Catholicism, Gay Marriage, and the 1st Amendment,” “Rear Entry: Getting around religion and law in the case for gay marriage,” “Homosexuality and Irish Guilt: Not Just for Priests Anymore,” and “Rosaries or Anal Beads, Who’s To Judge?” Needless to say, I did not choose any of those titles. But something tells me I could have gotten some “special recognition” if I had.

Anyway, I think I can make up for the dismal grades this semester since I’m finally taking classes that interest me. Even my seminar on Child Abuse is less morose and more enjoyable than expected. I’m also in a Negotiation workshop, and my goal by the end of the semester is to bargain for something I wouldn’t normally try. Perhaps I could try to negotiate our rent to be something less stratospheric? Or maybe I could just try to talk Lulu into shitting outside from now on. Either way, I would win big.