Observations.

I’m back from two GLORIOUS weeks in Maui! And boy am I happy to be back. It’s strange. It was the most indescribably beautiful place with so many wonderful things to do and see, and yet I just never felt like I “fit” there. Conversely, when we were in Ireland, it felt so much like home–like I could stay there forever. I practically cried the day we had to leave. Hawaii was amazing, phenomenal, incredible… but I don’t think I’m meant for equatorial sun or the constant heat. Have you seen that recent Conan O’Brien video for his new stint on The Late Show? You know, the one where he’s running across the beach in L.A. and his voiceover says something about being a vampire, his pale Irish skin shining in the Californian sun? Well that was me.

Anyway, I plan on posting some pics when I get a chance (we have something like 98302382051 of them), but for now I’ll just get some random thoughts out of the way.

• It never rains. I know everyone told us it would rain, probably every day at least briefly. But it didn’t. I started wondering on about day 5 what was up, so I asked. Turns out that almost all of Maui is in a “rain shadow” created by the two volcanic mountain regions on the island. Meaning that only the very far northeastern shore gets much rain. Everywhere else was tropical, lush, and green, but sans the rain. Even when we visited the rain forests in the northeast, we still didn’t see so much as a sprinkle.
• I did not pack enough clothing. The sweltering (to me) heat meant that I sweat nonstop. All I wanted was a clean t-shirt, but by about day 7, that was impossible. For once, I packed too light! The unnecessary stuff? A raincoat, flippers (we rented ones that were way more comfortable for cheap), and magazines to read on the beach.
• “Native” Hawaiians do not like tourists. This really angered me. Even though I feel murderous rage get fairly annoyed with tourists when they clog our streets for all the summer festivals, I’m not mean to their faces. And our economy does not depend upon them. Their constant dirty looks really pissed me off, especially considering tourism is Hawaii’s #1 industry by far. John and I aren’t your stereotypical slow, fat, clueless tourists wearing fanny packs and orthopedic shoes. We drive the speed limit or higher, we blend in with our clothes, and we don’t stand around with our mouths hanging open. And yet that was enough to enrage people. At one point on a one lane road, a local almost drove us into the ditch (we were already going above the speed limit) and then flipped us off as he passed. Five minutes later we passed him–as he was setting up his roadside stand of trinkets for tourists to buy. Really?!
• Seafood really is better when you’re surrounded by the ocean. Not cheaper, but better.  The shrimp! The mahi mahi! Mmmmm!
• Seeing wildlife is just indescribable sometimes. We saw humpback whales, green sea turtles, dolphins, birds, fish, etc. etc. Especially the whales–they just took my breath away. I almost cried!
• Ford Mustangs are absolute crap. We rented one so we could have a convertible. It was a blast and totally worth it, but man alive. What a piece of junk. It took driving it for 2 weeks to make me remember how much I love our car! It made me see why so many people opt for foreign cars over “the big three.” However, I think I might just be addicted to convertibles now. Perhaps a Sebring, Solara, or Mini is on my horizon?
• Hawaii is expensive. We were able to save a lot of money by making an initial stop at the grocery store for food and booze. But there is no escaping the $7.50 12 packs of soda. We ate out at sit-down restaurants 4 times, and we were never able to get so much as burgers and water for under $50. It was worth it, though.
• Sunscreen. Sunscreen sunscreen sunscreen! We went through two large bottles. John is as tan as can be, but you’d never know I left Wisconsin except for the increase of freckles on my face. And the very first day, I neglected to apply it to my shins. The result? Probably the worst sunburn I’ve ever had (and that’s saying a lot). It’s still healing now, 2 weeks later, but peeling all the skin off is a sickeningly fun diversion.
• I can’t believe how many people take their little, little kids on vacation all the way to Hawaii. I’m sure I’ll get flamed for saying so, but why on earth would you subject your little (under 2) kids to a 12 hours plane ride? And the babies! OMG the pale, pale babies sweating in the constant sun, and then screaming on the plane while every other passenger cringed and tried to sleep. It just seemed selfish to me. Flame away.
• I also can’t believe how many pregnant ladies I saw. EVERYWHERE. Non-stop. It was like the opposite of The Island on Lost. And speaking of, I saw so many VW vans just like the Dharma Initiative one. Awesome!
• Open water still scares the bejesus out of me, even if it is crystal clear and filled with gorgeous reef fish. And yes, I wore a lame flotation belt, and yes, I probably looked like a ‘tard clinging to a banana. But I didn’t drown, so w00t! w00t!
• I LOVE tide pools. I could seriously stare into them for days and not get bored. Poking sea cucumbers and starfish just doesn’t get old!
• I read the whole Twilight series in about 2 days and I am so hooked! I might read it again. And by “might,” I think we all know what I mean. I’m a Twi-hard, baby!

There is so much more to say, but nothing that exciting. I’ll try to upload pics soon for all you countless readers. I’m sure you’re all breathless with anticipation. And after all that, I’m still glad to be back in the land of beer and cheese!

“It takes a certain kind of person to be a lawyer.”

I hear this phrase all.the.time. Non-stop. From all sorts of people–lawyers and non-lawyers alike. Sometimes it’s said with a positive tone, and other times the negative connotations are impossible to escape. But I still don’t know what it means! Every time I hear it, I want to scream (in a very respectful manner): WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY THAT?!

So, any insight out there? What on earth does this mean? I kind of hate the phrase because I disagree with it. I’ve got two years of this whole “law school thing” down, and I’ve met every kind of person under the sun. Students, teachers, lawyers, judges… they’re all SO different. I can’t find a single common theme at all. Some are incredible people, and others are disgusting people. Some are brilliant, and others are probably certifiable. Maybe it “takes a certain kind of person” to work in public interest law. That I would believe. You have to have the patience of a saint and be accepting of a piss poor salary. Maybe it “takes a certain kind of person” to be a prosecutor. You’ll have to be tough as nails and you’ll have to be able to stomach some really horrible cases and people. Sure, it “takes a certain kind of person” to work in intellectual property law. You have to have a brain the size of Kansas.

But beyond that, I don’t get it. Have you out there in the interwebs ever uttered this phrase? What did you mean by it?

O HAI!

No, law school didn’t kill me. And no, I didn’t kill myself. And no, even swine flu didn’t kill me (yet)! I’m here, alive and kicking, but I tend to have very little time to bloooooog and so this puppy has fallen by the wayside. But that’s not to say that exciting things haven’t been going down in my universe. I’ll briefly recap for y’all, since I know you’ve been waiting for the past month with baited breath.

• WE’RE GOING TO HAWAII!! Yes folks, that’s right. In exactly 1 week from today, I will be on a plane to Maui to spend two glorious weeks unwinding in the sun and surf. That also means that I will get sunburned to the point of skin cancer and I will either drown (can’t swim) or be eaten by a shark. But I digress… HAWAII! If you would like to know how this was made possible on a single-salary income, I give mad crazy props to my awesome accountant and even awesomer friend, Jamie. She did our taxes this year and got us one helluva return. So instead of doing something responsible with it, we decided to stimulate the economy in our own, adventurous way!

• My second year of law school is almost.done.so.close.I.can.taste.it! It’s actually been a great semester. I learned a ton and for the most part, I loved my classes. My crazy internship at Paternity Court is now over, and I already miss all the neck and knuckle tattoos. But most of all, I miss the amazing ladies (ahem, attorneys) that I worked with.  They were all great examples of what women lawyers should strive to be. I also LOVED every second of my Negotiation Workshop. Although I may never be the world’s best used-car-buyer, I learned so much about myself. And… spoiler alert! I might just get to be their TA next semester! w00t woot!

• More law school news: there is so much it had to be split into two dots! I applied for and was awarded a judicial internship next semester in the Family Court! YAY! And even better, I was placed with the CHIEF JUDGE. OOoooh….. Aaaaaahh! He’s an amazing guy–I’ve seen him in action thanks to this semester’s internship. I’m really stoked to work with him. He treats clients like actual human beings, and he’s never afraid to be creative or show that he cares. This is so rare to find in ANY judge, so I think it will be a phenomenal experience.

• Dramz! We were going to move. We pay a shitton to live here, even though I love it and the location’s proximity to school, work, and the courthouse can’t be beat. We started the application process elsewhere, but at the last minute we decided to stay here. Yes, it means we’re still paying too much. But now I can relish the fact that I can spend another 12 months chitchatting with the bums and drugdealers while they pee in the library book drop.

• SWINE FLU!! AAAH! I’m sure you can probably imagine, but this hypochondriac is in terror level red. It doesn’t help that my microbiologist father is inundating me with a barrage of constantly terrifying information about death, martial law, masks, travel restrictions (hello, Hawaii?!), and governmental news conferences. I’ve actually gotten to the point where I don’t care if I get swine flu, as long as I make it to Hawaii. While I don’t really think they’ll restrict travel (especially within the US), I would be much happier suffering from pig flu if I was suffering on a beach in Maui while trying to drink a pina colada.

• And etcetera: the pups are cuter than ever and will be spending our vacation with their other favorite people in the whole world: my parents, AKA their grandparents. I still have my same job, and I’m still wishing I could do more family law work. But in this economy, that’s still unlikely. It is currently finals week for me and I am writing and studying up a storm. My social life has also been sorely lacking thanks to this whole “school thing,” so I plan to attack that shit full on when we get back from Maui.

And now you’re up to date with my boring existence. Don’t you feel better?

Oh. My. GAWD. ::head explodes::

I have officially had it. To make it easier to understand why, I shall utilize bullet points.

• I only work at the firm on THURSDAYS right now. I have told everyone in the damn firm 98309283 times. However, I still constantly get emails on Mondays, Fridays, Wednesdays, you name it. “Are you in? Can you stop by my office??” NO I AM NOT IN. I AM EITHER IN CLASS, AT MY INTERNSHIP, OR ROCKING BACK AND FORTH IN THE FETAL POSITION IN THE BATHTUB. But, because I am a pushover, I always email back and kindly explain that I am ONLY IN ON THURSDAYS. As stated 98309283 previously.
• After getting several frantic emails today (today being a TUESDAY, BTW), one is from the head bossman (I call him that because technically he hired me, and since I don’t really have a boss per se). It says, “Where is that insurance opinion memo–the clients are waiting for it.”  Oh, you mean the one I wrote TWO WEEKS AGO?? The one you acknowledged your receipt of via email? THAT MEMO??
• His email is followed by a frantic email from his secretary: “Where is that memo??”  I have to email back that I AM NOT IN THE OFFICE TODAY (it being a TUESDAY) and that it was sent TWO WEEKS AGO. I re-forwarded it and told them that if they are speaking of some other memo (since in my mind, that would make more sense than losing one I already sent to you and which is surely sitting both on your desk in print form and in your inbox in e-form), please let me know.
• I then get ANOTHER frantic email, dated yesterday. It says, “I need you to check out some books for me and I will be at the law school library today at 2 to pick them up from the desk.” IT IS SPRING FUCKING BREAK, LADY!! I DO NOT LIVE IN THE LIBRARY! Although that might save me a considerable amount of rent, I am not ALWAYS there. So no, I didn’t get you the books yesterday.
• I email her back… what might you need, attorney So-and-So? I am at my internship today, but perhaps I could swing by on my lunchbreak and pick them up for you? What’s that? You need an entire 10 volume, 10,000 page multi-volume treatise on legal malpractice? One that is not available for checkout because IT IS A MULTI VOLUME TREATISE?! And what’s that you say? You want me to therefore PHOTOCOPY IT FOR YOU?! Lady. Ma’am. You must be somewhat intelligent. You are a seasoned lawyer. How long do you think it would take me to photocopy 10,000 pages? You do know that you pay me $15/hour, right? So in 2 years from now, when I am finally done, I will be owed backpay of something like $60,000 just for making photocopies?
• Stick with me here, folks. So brilliant me. I look up all the legal malpractice treatises on Westlaw using my student account. I copy all the tables of contents for her. I email them to her and ask, “Which specifically would you like? I can download them and email them directly to you.”  She emails me back 23 chapters she wants. I begin downloading each, a huge pain in the ass, since each is OVER 200 PAGES LONG. I then begin emailing them to her, chapter by chapter.
• She responds: “Please open the files and print.”  MY HEAD EXPLODES. WHAT PART OF “I AM ONLY HERE ON THURSDAYS” DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND?! Not to mention, do you REALLY want to go through 4 reams of paper for this!? REALLY?!!?!?!?

So here I am. Two fucking days into my SPRING BREAK, sitting on my couch downloading fucking legal malpractice treatises by the bookload. What am I not doing? Well, I am not at my internship, WHICH I NEED TO BE AT IN ORDER TO GET THE CREDITS I NEED TO GRADUATE. I am also not in fucking bed taking a nap, where I needed to be like, yesterday.

My apologies for all the caps locking. But I have slowly lost the ability to communicate in any other way.

A return to sanity.

*exhale*

AAaaahh… although things are still super busy and stressful right now, it is all becoming more tolerable. Maybe I’m just getting used to it? Maybe it’s the knowledge that spring break it right around the corner? Well, that can’t be it, considering my break will be filled with internship and work duties. I won’t have so much as ONE free day (well, besides the weekend).

And of course, the thought that 12 months ago we were eagerly looking forward to a dream trip to Ireland… *sigh* I wish I could go back this very second. There is so much more I want to see and do there. But NO! I will not get down or distracted. Look at the bright side: I have a week-long break from my professors assigning more material. And maybe if I’m lucky, I can squeeze in some time laying on the floor in the sunlight “tanning.” Eh? Eh? EH?

Anyway, I think my tenuous grip on reality is strengthening. And I think I’ll actually spend my free time during spring break starting a support group for potential law students. It will be called “Douchebags and Diazepam: Navigating your way through the worst 3 years of your life.”