I’m back from two GLORIOUS weeks in Maui! And boy am I happy to be back. It’s strange. It was the most indescribably beautiful place with so many wonderful things to do and see, and yet I just never felt like I “fit” there. Conversely, when we were in Ireland, it felt so much like home–like I could stay there forever. I practically cried the day we had to leave. Hawaii was amazing, phenomenal, incredible… but I don’t think I’m meant for equatorial sun or the constant heat. Have you seen that recent Conan O’Brien video for his new stint on The Late Show? You know, the one where he’s running across the beach in L.A. and his voiceover says something about being a vampire, his pale Irish skin shining in the Californian sun? Well that was me.

Anyway, I plan on posting some pics when I get a chance (we have something like 98302382051 of them), but for now I’ll just get some random thoughts out of the way.

• It never rains. I know everyone told us it would rain, probably every day at least briefly. But it didn’t. I started wondering on about day 5 what was up, so I asked. Turns out that almost all of Maui is in a “rain shadow” created by the two volcanic mountain regions on the island. Meaning that only the very far northeastern shore gets much rain. Everywhere else was tropical, lush, and green, but sans the rain. Even when we visited the rain forests in the northeast, we still didn’t see so much as a sprinkle.
• I did not pack enough clothing. The sweltering (to me) heat meant that I sweat nonstop. All I wanted was a clean t-shirt, but by about day 7, that was impossible. For once, I packed too light! The unnecessary stuff? A raincoat, flippers (we rented ones that were way more comfortable for cheap), and magazines to read on the beach.
• “Native” Hawaiians do not like tourists. This really angered me. Even though I feel murderous rage get fairly annoyed with tourists when they clog our streets for all the summer festivals, I’m not mean to their faces. And our economy does not depend upon them. Their constant dirty looks really pissed me off, especially considering tourism is Hawaii’s #1 industry by far. John and I aren’t your stereotypical slow, fat, clueless tourists wearing fanny packs and orthopedic shoes. We drive the speed limit or higher, we blend in with our clothes, and we don’t stand around with our mouths hanging open. And yet that was enough to enrage people. At one point on a one lane road, a local almost drove us into the ditch (we were already going above the speed limit) and then flipped us off as he passed. Five minutes later we passed him–as he was setting up his roadside stand of trinkets for tourists to buy. Really?!
• Seafood really is better when you’re surrounded by the ocean. Not cheaper, but better.  The shrimp! The mahi mahi! Mmmmm!
• Seeing wildlife is just indescribable sometimes. We saw humpback whales, green sea turtles, dolphins, birds, fish, etc. etc. Especially the whales–they just took my breath away. I almost cried!
• Ford Mustangs are absolute crap. We rented one so we could have a convertible. It was a blast and totally worth it, but man alive. What a piece of junk. It took driving it for 2 weeks to make me remember how much I love our car! It made me see why so many people opt for foreign cars over “the big three.” However, I think I might just be addicted to convertibles now. Perhaps a Sebring, Solara, or Mini is on my horizon?
• Hawaii is expensive. We were able to save a lot of money by making an initial stop at the grocery store for food and booze. But there is no escaping the $7.50 12 packs of soda. We ate out at sit-down restaurants 4 times, and we were never able to get so much as burgers and water for under $50. It was worth it, though.
• Sunscreen. Sunscreen sunscreen sunscreen! We went through two large bottles. John is as tan as can be, but you’d never know I left Wisconsin except for the increase of freckles on my face. And the very first day, I neglected to apply it to my shins. The result? Probably the worst sunburn I’ve ever had (and that’s saying a lot). It’s still healing now, 2 weeks later, but peeling all the skin off is a sickeningly fun diversion.
• I can’t believe how many people take their little, little kids on vacation all the way to Hawaii. I’m sure I’ll get flamed for saying so, but why on earth would you subject your little (under 2) kids to a 12 hours plane ride? And the babies! OMG the pale, pale babies sweating in the constant sun, and then screaming on the plane while every other passenger cringed and tried to sleep. It just seemed selfish to me. Flame away.
• I also can’t believe how many pregnant ladies I saw. EVERYWHERE. Non-stop. It was like the opposite of The Island on Lost. And speaking of, I saw so many VW vans just like the Dharma Initiative one. Awesome!
• Open water still scares the bejesus out of me, even if it is crystal clear and filled with gorgeous reef fish. And yes, I wore a lame flotation belt, and yes, I probably looked like a ‘tard clinging to a banana. But I didn’t drown, so w00t! w00t!
• I LOVE tide pools. I could seriously stare into them for days and not get bored. Poking sea cucumbers and starfish just doesn’t get old!
• I read the whole Twilight series in about 2 days and I am so hooked! I might read it again. And by “might,” I think we all know what I mean. I’m a Twi-hard, baby!

There is so much more to say, but nothing that exciting. I’ll try to upload pics soon for all you countless readers. I’m sure you’re all breathless with anticipation. And after all that, I’m still glad to be back in the land of beer and cheese!