I don’t think even Marlon Brando can adequately convey my terror right now. I have just noticed that all these pointy-toed shoes I wear to work every day are having a… shall we say “detrimental” effect on my feet. GASP! This isn’t just achey toes or callused heels we’re talking about here, people. If I don’t stop wearing this fashionable footwear and opt for orthopedic shoes soon, I may be facing BUNIONS! DOUBLE GASP!!

I honestly didn’t even know what bunions were before last night. But as I stared aimlessly at my feet, I noticed pointy areas where there once were none. Pointy? Calluses? Bunions? My ever-favorite, tumors? (It’s not a tumor.) So John and I did what any naive couple would do when faced with questionable foot issues: Google image search. And trust me when I say that the bile is still pooling in the back of my throat.

Either way, it looks like bunions may be in my foot future if I don’t take evasive measures. And when I searched for podiatrist-approved shoes, I find nothing even remotely cute. I think death may be a welcome diversion if my future holds a closet full of these babies:

$116 for THOSE?! They look like they were made from discarded shower curtains ripped from a home stuck in 1985!

And every time I see these, I can’t help but let out a mix of HA! and AAAH! But hey, on the bright side, if I wear these around every day, people might start patting me on the head and excusing all the drool seeping from my mouth.

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